My Love Affair with Romance

Why did I allow you to have so much power in my life? How did I do that?

I so readily believed you had my best interest in heart. That you were in fact my hero. But why did I even need a hero in the first place?

I could be really angry with you for what I believe was your betrayal but was it? Didn’t I betray myself first by giving you all that power.

How I have romaniticed my life. Everything from relationships to my self worth. I have even romanticied being humble. I have taken my unworthiness and cloaked it in the romantic gize of humility. And that is how you got in.

I felt so unworthy of having a lover who was so beautiful, so aware, so loving that I gave my identity away to being your partner. Being with you became the most important thing in my life. It became who I was. And when you were no longer there I was left with what was left of myself, and I had become nothing without you.

How I raged. How I felt betrayed. How I blamed you. And then the romantic process took over. I even become enthralled with being the victim of a lost love. Living out my days in the depths of sorrow that was a cover for my disconnection from self. How I grieved what I thought we had. How I missed you.

Finally after a rare moment of clarity a mask was removed and I realized I was missing me. I had been missing me for a long time. I saw how I had erased myself from the relationship and moved into a romantic bubble without any connection to reality. No wonder you had left. No wonder you had gone to find someone who was present to relate to.

I now thank-you for the gift of leaving me. Thank-you for bringing me to this point of awareness because without you I would not have broken my love affair with romance.